At the age of 18, I became pregnant with my first daughter. The entire situation for me was scary and nerve wrecking. I remember going to my doctors appointment just to get a birth control shot, and the nurse coming into the room to tell me that I could no longer get the shot. Now, imagine being in a big room by yourself wondering, why? “You’re pregnant” she said. My mouth was to the floor, my mind went blank, and I felt as if I had lost my vision because the room suddenly went dark. All I remember saying was “this can’t be real!” The whole way home I couldn’t help but to think, how am I going to tell my family? what am I going to do? When I got home, I went into my room, fell to the floor and just cried. My body went numb, my heart felt as if it was going to come out of my chest, and the only thought in my mind was “you have to do something!” Let me remind you that I had just graduated high school and was on my way to college in a couple of months. I COULD NOT have this child! The following day I remember googling some clinics to get the price of an abortion. I found a clinic then called my daughters father to tell him the news and that I needed money for my abortion. He was against the idea, but had no other choice but to give me the money because I was stern on my decision. After getting the money from him, the next day I went to the clinic where I was prepared to let go of what was growing inside of me. Sitting in the waiting room I felt nervous and nauseous. The nurse called me to the back, I sat on a table and she gave me a sonogram before we were to start the procedure. The nurse looked at me and said “we can’t do it”, I looked back at her and replied “why?” She said “because you are too far along, we have other options but it is much more expensive” I replied to the nurse “no, it’s ok and got down off the table.” As I left the office to catch the bus and go home, my mind told me to just run away or kill myself. I was very emotional and confused as to what I was going to do. My only option was to hide my pregnancy until I went off to college but even then I still did not know how I was going to provide for my child. Of course I thought about getting a job, but what next? I didn’t have a doctor to go to on campus, my baby couldn’t stay in my dorm with me…I just thought that if I hid my pregnancy and wear things to not show my belly, something would happen to the life within me and all my troubles would be gone. One day after one of my classes, I got a call from my mother. In my mind I knew what she was calling about but I did not want to face the truth. She left me a voicemail that said “baby, I already know that your pregnant and I am not mad, just call me so that we can talk about it.” I couldn’t help but to fall to my knees and cry. Now it wasn’t one of those soft sob cries, it was a hard wheeping from my soul kind of cry. I gained the energy to call my mother back and she told me that she was coming to get me. I instantly felt a sense of relief but I was still sad because I was going to leave school. The following week my mom came to get me and we made an appointment to see a doctor and check on the life that I thought I didn’t want. When I found out that I was having a girl, that made me open up even more. I finally realized that God wouldn’t put more on me than I could bare and that everything happens for a reason. I didn’t think that I was capable of taking care of a life other than my own. The idea of becoming a mother made me mature. I couldn’t wait to hold my little girl. Seeing her for the first time after my whole emotional roller coaster put my mind to rest. She took every worry away when I looked into her eyes. Holding her made me strong and in that moment I knew that I had to be the best mother and role model for my daughter. Moving forward four years, I gave birth to my second blessing. Not to confuse you with the drama I faced during my first pregnancy, my second pregnancy had its drama as well but nothing or no one was going to stop me from becoming a mother for the second time.
I love my girls beyond measure and I provide for them like no other. They are my world!! Being a mother is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I wouldn’t trade it for anything!